


Remember, Remember

by AvadaGreenEyes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2019-12-18 15:10:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18252377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvadaGreenEyes/pseuds/AvadaGreenEyes
Summary: How it all began.





	1. Chapter 1

Harry was 9 the first time he died.   
  
It had been a particularly bad day at the Dursleys, and Vernon had beat him so much that he almost died. He had liked the feeling - the emptiness and the darkness that came with death. It ended his suffering, and he rejoiced.   
  
He thought his death had been a dream because of the nice man he had met there, but he couldn’t be certain - not really. Before he had woken up, the man had apologized for having to “send him back,” but Harry hadn’t understood what he meant until he had woken up in the dumpster behind the grocer in Surrey. He limped back to Private Drive.

 

_______  
  
The first time he tried to kill himself was Yule of 1991. He had recently been told that he shouldn't go looking for the Mirror, the one link he had to his parents.   
  
Oh, how he wanted his parents.   
  
The day after the event, he used his cloak to get to the top of the Astronomy Tower, and jumped.   
  
He remembered it was almost like flying, and he enjoyed the rushing of the wind in his hair, the peace and contentment that came with his decision.   
  
Until the charms kicked in.   
  
What he didn't know, was that the Professors had charms on the ground surrounding the castle to prevent things like this from happening.   
  
When he stood on the ground again, he sighed and retreated to his dorm.

 

_______

 

When Harry had told Mr. Weasley he had no intention of going after the mass murderer Sirius Black, he hadn’t been lying. What he didn’t promise is that he’d try to defend himself. Really, if Black succeeded and killed him, he wouldn’t be all that sad about it. _At least I’ll get to see my parents_ , he had thought.

 

So when it had been revealed that Sirius Black was his godfather and innocent of his supposed crimes, Harry had more than a little shocked. He technically had a family now, but he didn’t really know Sirius.

 

Still, when Sirius offered to him a home, he didn’t hesitate to accept.

 

That Sirius had to run away again later that night and left him behind upset him,  but he was resigned.

 

_______


	2. The 5th of November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remember, Remember, the Fifth of the November."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the story and this chapter inspired by the Guy Fawkes Rhyme, which can be found in full here: http://www.potw.org/archive/potw405.html

The second time Harry tried to kill himself was a handful of days after his name was chosen from the Goblet of Fire.

 

That it happened to be Sirius Black’s birthday as well was just misfortune.

 

Even though it had only been a scant five days since the event, his life had been horrible. Sure, the Weasley Twins and Neville Longbottom had believed him, and Cedric Diggory certainly hadn’t been as upset as he could’ve been, but all the other students turned their backs on him. Most of the staff had turned a blind eye to their horrible treatment, and Professor McGonagall had elected to stare at him in disappointment whenever they were outside of lessons. Dumbledore, for his part, chose to ignore his existence.

 

And so Harry made his way back up the Astronomy Tower on the night of November 5th.

 

____________

 

As Harry used his father’s Invisibility Cloak to avoid anyone on his way to the Astronomy Tower, he thought about his day.

 

Earlier that morning, he had visited Hedwig in the Owlry and put together his preparations. He had spent the summer putting his affairs in order, should he have the misfortune of ending up on the wrong end of a wizards wand, or run into Voldemort for the third time in four years.

 

Most of his visit with the loyal owl had consisted of him petting her, gently pushing as much of his love and magic into her as he could safely spare. Hedwig is of course a smart bird, and was rather sad because of what her wizard wished to do, but knew she could do nothing to stop him. So she loved him and cooed at him and cleaned his hair affectionately, welcoming his presence as always.

 

As he pet her, he had put together a transfigured box that she knew was to be delivered to Gringotts. It had contained memory phials, letters, a copy of his completed Will, his father's Invisibility Cloak, and the photo album of his parents Hagrid had given him in his first year. He had told her who the letters were addressed to (his Professors, Sirius, and Neville among them), even though she would not be delivering them for him.

 

Before he left, eyes shining with unshed tears, he said, “I love you girl, and I hope you never forget that. After you deliver this to Gringotts, go and find Remus - be his friend, yeah? If I succeed today, you’ll belong to him now, and I get the feeling he needs more friends.” Hedwig nodded in acceptance and understanding. Her eyes were sad, and she let out a low trill before rubbing the crown of her head along the back of his hand.  

 

When she was done, she nipped his fingers one more time before launching herself into the air to begin her long journey back to London. She would always miss her wizard, but if he succeeded he would be in a better place.

 

He watched her until she was out of site before turning around and leaving the Owlry.

 

_____________

 

When Harry reached the top of the Astronomy Tower, the sun was sinking below the Horizon, so he sat along the edge and took in the place he had called _home_ since had first seen the castle in 1991.

 

Hours later, after the sun had long disappeared and the stars begun shining up above him, he stood from his place and let his eyes sweep the scenery one last time. Patting the wall behind him, he turned his back to the edge and took a deep breath to steal his nerves.

 

He took a backwards step off the Astronomy Tower, allowing the freeing feel of falling through the air fill him, before everything went black.

 

And he felt at peace.

 

______________

 

At exactly 10p.m. on November 5th, 1994, a wooden box sitting in front of the Potter Account Manager Griphook glowed brightly, and automatically delivered its contents to the intended parties.

 

At 10p.m. letters appeared in front of Neville Longbottom, Fred and George Weasley, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy, Amelia Bones, Arthur and Molly Weasley, and each of the Professors Harry had studied under at Hogwarts School.

 

_______________

 

_“Keep your eyes fixed on me. Please, will you do this for me?”_

 

_“Do what?”_

 

_“This phone call, it’s….it’s my note. That’s what people do, don’t they? Leave a note. “_

 

 _-_ __Sherlock Holmes,  The Reichenbach Fall_ _

 

 


	3. The Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a look at two of the letters Harry sent.

**To:** Sirius Orion Black III

Unknown Location

 

_ Paddy,  _

__ _ It breaks my heart to write this letter, but write it I must - I would feel terribly guilty if I didn’t, and you deserve to have this rather than not.  _

__

__ _ I haven’t known you very long, but sometimes I dream of the times you would babysit me, supplemented by the Photo Album I told you about. I don’t know if those were actual memories come to haunt me or what I would imagine it was like, and they were both terrible and wonderful. Simpler times then.  _

 

__ _ I am writing this letter (along with several others) because I intend to take my life tonight. This may come as a shock to you, but it wouldn’t even be the first time. I’ve crossed the veil before and come back - you can thank my wretched muggles for that - but I hope tonight will be different. I regret many things in my short life, but the thing I regret most was not getting to spend more time with you, my Dogfather. I wish, you would have taken me with you when you ran that night. You were right, it was no life for me, but I would have been happy anyway because I would have you.  _

 

__ _ With this letter should be Prong’s cloak and my photo album. I can think of no better person to have possession of these items. When you are cleared, I hope you will give the cloak to your firstborn, as is tradition. I think he would want you to have it. I don’t know what will happen to the House Black without me to rein you in, but I have gifted the House Potter to Neville, who had promised me to keep it in trust for his spare.  _

 

__ _ Though I had been thinking of this for awhile, you deserve to know the catalyst: On 31 October my name came out of the Goblet of Fire as the fourth champion. I am too young and inexperienced, and no one would listen when I said I didn’t do anything. I had few friends left, and near everyone else despised my existence and the air I breathed. I couldn’t take it any longer.  _

 

__ _ I don’t want you think this is your fault, however. I would never blame you for anything, Pads. I love you too much to do that to you. I’ve given the map to the Twins and Moony’s got Hedwig. Take care of yourself, Dog Star. And perhaps, in another life…. _

 

_ With all my love,  _

__ _ Bambi _

 

A sob forced itself out of Sirius Black’s body as he fell to his knees, reading the words over and over again. 

 

Harry had deserved better. 

 

With shaking hands, Sirius gently laid the letter from his boy on the table in front of him, tracing the letters with his finger. His handwriting was neat and similar to Lily’s elegant cursive, but was a unique and untarnished script all its own. 

 

20 minutes had gone by since the letter had appeared with the album and cloak on his kitchen table. He hated being back in Grimmauld Place, but he wanted to be as close to Harry as possible for the school year. He had failed his godson twice already and didn’t want to fail him a third time. 

 

He was too little, too late. 

 

As he reached over and opened the album, a piece of parchment was found spell-o-taped to the inside cover. 

_ I wanted to be like you _

_ I wanted everything _

_ So I tried to be like you _

_ And I got swept away _

 

_ I didn't know that it was so cold _

_ And you needed someone _

_ to show you the way _

_ So I took your hand and we figured out _

_ That when the time comes _

_ I'd take you away _

 

_ If you want to _

_ I can save you _

_ I can take you away from here _

_ So lonely inside _

_ So busy out there _

_ And all you wanted _

_ was somebody who cares _

 

_ I'm sinking slowly _

_ So hurry hold me _

_ Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on _

_ Please can you tell me _

_ So I can finally see _

_ Where you go when you're gone _

 

_ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ _

In her study at Bones Manor, Madam Amelia Bones opened the letter sealed with the Potter signet ring. Upon opening it, she letter her eyes skip to the bottom to verify the identity of the sender - one Harry James Potter - and noticed the boy had signed his name in blood. Curiosity peaked, she read the letter from the beginning. 

 

**To:** Madam Amelia Bones

Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement

Ministry of Magic, London, UK

 

_ Madam Bones,  _

 

_ I should hope that, as the Head of the DMLE, you would recognize I wrote this letter to you on Veritas parchment.  That being said, you should know that I am incapable of lying as I write this letter, even if I am only lying to myself. It is simply not possible.   _

 

_ I have some crimes that I would like to confess with you, and I hope that you will follow through and investigate them without bias - I’ve heard your reputation as an honest and fair woman, and I hope that would carry over to these cases.  _

 

_ The first case I would like to present to you is my own. The night of my parents death, I was retrieved from my ruined crib by my godfather Sirius Orion Black III,  wrecked with grief and holding tight to me, like he would never let me go. When we reached the front garden, we were met by Rubeus Hagrid, who insisted he take me from Sirius, ordered by Dumbledore to deliver me to Muggle Surrey, where my maternal aunt lived with her son and husband. Sirius protested,  but was afraid Hagrid might hurt me if the argument came to blows. Five minutes later Sirius was kissing my head and placing me in the sidecar of his motorbike, which he lent to Hagrid to deliver me safely to the Muggles. Sirius promised to come and find me after he had found Peter Pettigrew, who was our Secret Keeper. He placed a warming charm and a sleeping spell on me, and Hagrid drove off.  _

_ I find this suspect for several reasons, the first being that I have records that Sirius Black and Alice Longbottom performed the ritual when I was 6 months old to allow them to take their place as my godparents, to raise me jointly as a Pureblood Heir should in the case of my parents untimely demise. Both Alice and Sirius were perfectly capable of taking me in the night of my parents deaths, but I was instead given to my muggle relations. A second reason I find this suspicious is that it was  _ Dumbledore’s _ orders that I be brought to Surrey, and he has no authority to direct where I live - he was of no relation, he was not Regent, and he was not my guardian. It’s suspicious at best. Furthermore,  Dumbledore, Professor Minerva McGonagall, and Rubeus Hagrid left me in a basket on the doorstep at my maternal aunt's home, near two in the morning of November 1st, 1981. They left me with a note and disappeared into the night.  _

_ I’ve been told by a friend to the family, one Remus Lupin, that I started walking at 10 months, and I had been purposefully using my magic since my 9th month. Being left alone in the cold, dark night I could have walked off, been mauled by an animal, died of hypothermia, etc. They didn’t bother to use any warming or sleeping charms before they left. My aunt found me the follow morning when she went to put the milk bottles out. My godfather was arrested two days later on November 3rd, and Alice Longbottom was attacked on the 5th.  _

_ As proof of these events, I have included vials of my own memories, which include the truth behind that Halloween night, my parents death, and my treatment at the hand of the muggles. My survival in Surrey is a crime all its own, and I’d rather not speak of it if I didn’t have to - the memories will have to suffice unless you chose to visit them yourself. The address is Number 4 Privet Drive, Surrey.  _

 

_ The Second case I wished to speak of is related. I hope you caught that earlier I said Peter Pettigrew was the Secret Keeper. In my third year at Hogwarts, I came into possession of a curious magical artifact that once belonged to my father and his friends - they called it the Marauder's Map. It was a magical map of Hogwarts School that updates upon the owner’s discovery of new places, and can track any person or creature that enters the castle.  It cannot be fooled by Polyjuice, Confundus charms, Disillusionment, or Animagus Forms. At the end of my third year, I noticed Peter Pettigrew’s name on the map, and told Professor Remus Lupin, a previous owner of the map. He looked afraid and confused, but confiscated the Map.  _

__ _ Two days later,  my friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger and  I were heading back to the castle from hagrid’s place when Ron was attacked by a large black dog, who proceeded to drag him under the Whomping Willow. Hermione and I followed, and we discovered a tunnel from the Willow to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade.  We discovered there that when they were Hogwarts students, my father and his group of friends were known as the Marauders: this group consisted of Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. When they discovered Remus was a werewolf, the three friends become Animagi to help him on full moon nights. My godfather, Sirius, was a large Newfoundland dog, his fluffy black coat making it easy to believe it was the Grim.  My father, James, was a Stag with an impressive rack of antlers, a true pride to the House Potter. Peter, who had little magical talent, was a common rat.  _

__ _ Sirius revealed to us in the shack that he had been framed for his best friends’ betrayal and the murder of those muggles by Peter. It was difficult to believe, until Ron’s pet rat Scabbers was transformed in front of us and there stood Peter Pettigrew, missing a finger. We could not deny it.  _

__ _ More happened that night of course, and we tried to tell the Minister, but he wouldn’t believe us. One of the memory vials  in the box contains a memory of that day from start to finish. I also discovered that my godfather was thrown in Azkaban without a trial - I couldn’t find the record anywhere. I hope you look into this.  _

 

__ _ By now I have taken up enough of your time, and there are other things you need to know - these are just the most pressing, in my eyes. Included in the box should be memories of my first through third years as Hogwarts, which I believe you should be appraised of. Maybe you’ll be able to do things I could not. Either way, the truth of those years will be published shortly.  _

 

__ _ Finally, I’m sure you’re asking yourself why I waited until now to send this. The answer is simple: due to events outside my control for the 1994 school year, I intend to kill myself tonight. I never asked to be the Boy-Who-Lived, and it's given me more terrible days than it has advantages. By tomorrow, you will either here of my suicide or my attempt at it, if I somehow manage to survive. I hope I don’t.  _

 

_ Sincerely,  _

__ _ Hadrian James Potter _

__ _ Concerned Heir _

 

The parchment fell from her numb fingers. She felt briefly sick to her stomach, but forced the feeling down. Harry Potter was barely younger than her own niece Susan, and only 14 years old. That he killed himself was not only sad but spoke of his desperate state of mind. Suicide should never be an option to children. 

 

Making a decision, Amelia called for a House-Elf to bring her pensieve, and poured the memory vials into it. It was too late to start an investigation this night, but there was nothing stopping her from starting the notes. Dead or not, she owed it to this young man to find the truth and deliver a swift justice. 

 

_ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ _

 

At 7a.m. Harry Potter’s broken body was found on a patch of ground not far from the Astronomy Tower, surrounded by kneeling Thresterals, Deer, Unicorn and Centaurs. 

 

His heart was beating. 

  
  


__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember where I first heard of Veritas parchment, but credit to the author who came up with it.
> 
> The parchment in the Photo Album given to Sirius were the lyrics to Michelle Branch's song "All You Wanted"


End file.
